Alchemyprime Blogs About Stuff

Game Review - Gunman Clive


Game: Gunman Clive

Developer: Bertil Hörberg

Released: 2012

Cost: $1.99

Platform: Windows (via Steam and Desura), Android (via Google Play, Amazon or our Omnistore) or Nintendo 3DS (via e-Shop)

Who is this for: Anyone who loves old school platformers, Westerns and character selection.


I picked this game up on a whim – the standard “I have left over e-Shop money and don’t know what to do with it.”
It consumed my week. Any time I was bored, my hand reached for the 3DS and I began to play. And play. And play. It’s a tough game, but not the sort of Ninja Gaiden, tough-for-tough’s sake tough.
No, it has that classic Mario Bros. we-know-you-can-figure-this-out toughness.

You can play as either Clive or Ms. Johnson, or later – the Duck.
Clive is a better shooter and a little stronger than Ms. Johnson.

But Ms. Johnson has Princess Peach Jumps. She can hover, and that was my saving grace throughout my first playthough. Unlike Clive, with his normal, not as impressive jumps.


The Duck? The Duck is hard to play as, man. But he’s unlockable, so it is understandable. But when you’re playing as Clive or Ms. Johnson, you can’t help but feel the Duck cheats. 


This game has that great Weird West feel I love so much, and it feels like a great cross between Super Mario Bros. 2, Mega Man and just a smidge of Braid in the art style. It looks like an old wanted poster meets a watercolor, and I love it.


You know you want it, and I can’t suggest it more. Go get it now! Links up above!

Game Review - The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds


Game: The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

Developer: Nintendo and Monolith Soft

Cost: Still retailing for about $39.99

Platform: Nintendo 3DS

Thing That I Wasn’t Ready For: By Din, I need more Rupees.


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Great Gift Ideas - Cards Against Humanity!


Okay, this is a great idea for a friend. Less for, like, a Nana or Papa. 

This is Cards Against Humanity.


This is what you get for that friend. You know. That friend. The one who you know will delete your internet history if you die. The one who will burn/keep your stash. Don’t know whats in your stash, don’t care. They’ll take care of it for you.
That friend that saw you drunk, covered in whipped cream, dancing to Madonna and didn’t take pictures. 
That friend who beat up the next person who makes fun of you when you fall off Rainbow Road.
Because they won’t judge you when somebody plays the black card “Why am I sticky?” and your only good white card is “Goblins” or “A fetus” or “A gassy antelope.”

Want more proof? Then watch TableFlip as they play it! Then click the link higher up and buy it. I’m getting tired of cheap pizza.

Game Review - Luxuria Superbia


Game: Luxuria Superbia

Platform: OUYA (also for Android, PC, Linux, iOS and Mac)

Developer: Tale of Tales

Genre: Rhythm Puzzle

This was weird. Like… I was told it was a spiritual journey, that I would have a sense of enlightenment, bringing color to a flower. I have the launch trailer below, shoiwng how you use something that looks like a weird version of Rez but with naturalistic, zen-like music.

But I can’t help but shake this feeling that I wasn’t coloring a flower… 

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Game Review – Publisher Dream


Game: Publisher Dream

Developer: Circle Entertainment

Cost: $1.99 or 200 Nintendo Points

Platform: DSi eShop (also for 3DS)

So you bought $10 worth of credit on the 3DS and have $2 left over after buying stuff because Nintendo uses an antiquated download system similar to what Steam ditched years ago. What do you do now? Save it? Imagine it was still real money? Sleep?
Well, you could buy Publisher Dream. It’s no Game Dev Tycoon, but it fits in your pocket.


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Game Review – Polarity


Game: Polarity

Developer: BlueButton Games

Cost: $4.99

Platform: OUYA (coming soon to Steam via GreenLight)

Genre: First Person Puzzler

Okay, I’ve been sitting on this review for a while, but I think it’s finally ready.


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Webcomics You Ought To Be Reading! - The Book of Biff by Chris Halbeck

Ever wanted to get small life lessons from a man with amazing eyebrows? This is your chance. 

The Book of Biff is an amazing webcomic that updates Monday through Friday, and has amazing insights you may not have thought of - or amazing puns you will regret Chris thought of.

Go forth and read it, Omnibloggers.


Webcomics You Ought to Be Reading! - Antics by Stephen Gillan

Hey, you guys know this seal?

Whoops, that’s no seal, that’s Benedict Cumberbatch. Lemme try this again.

There we go.

Anyway, that seal came from Antics, a comic about Fletcher (the dude with the green tie) and Copernicus (the guy with the red tie), who just sort of live together and exist in gag comics.

Look, this comic? It’s not deep, it’s not profound, it’s none of those things.

But it is funny. And that’s the best way to do things sometimes.

Antics updates Mondays and Fridays.

Game Review – DLC Quest and DLC Quest – Live Freemium or Die!


Game: DLC Quest

Developer: Going Loud

Cost: $2.99

Platform: PC, Mac

Trust me, playing these will make it funnier: Any of these games here.

Here we have a game that is purely made to make fun of all those other games that we buy on impulse. How many other people here have ever went off to play a game on release day, only to find out that it had DLC on day one needed for the story, or that the servers were down, or that you needed to go and get something else to make it work?


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Game Review - Portalizer


Game: Portalizer

Developer: Heaval

Cost: Free!

Platform: PC

But What If I Want To Spend Money?: Well, the creator’s link died, but if you like Portalizer, maybe play the games that inspired it?


This is a very interesting concept for a game, and it feels oh, so right. The short version, it’s a 15 level Unity based Portal clone.


The long version? This is the best Portal fanfiction I have ever experienced. You’re in a Soviet testing facility, trying their version of the Aperture Science Hand-held Portal Device and some sort of time dilation device. Your portals are red and green, the Portalizer feels like a shoddy, Soviet surplus made Portal gun, and there aren’t any turrets or voice over. It’s cold, emotionless, and the music makes you feel this surreal sense of despair. You don’t have an enemy, like you do with GLaDOS – you just have a sad reality of testing ahead of you. There is no cake. There is no promise. There is no hatred. There just is. And it feels so… fitting that this is the case. Aperture had this feeling of crazed ingenuity and slipping sanity, that GLaDOS and Cave were just such a proper part of – meanwhile, the testing grounds in Portalizer are dark, forboding, and distant. There isn’t a testing associate watching you, there is no Wheatley, Rick, recordings, anything. There is just the knowledge you’re alone. Just you, a rip-off Portal Gun, and the Comrade Cube.


Honestly, if you have a few hours to burn? Play this. You won’t be disappointed.

But I wonder what Cave Johnson would think about the Soviets stealing his portal gun designs…

“Cave Johnson here! So the word on the grapevine is the Soviets have taken our designs. Well we assure you that nothing will contend with the Aperture Science Hand-Held Portal device. First off, they don’t even use live ammo on their testing grounds, like the cowardly Ruskies they are. And they don’t have the best testers money can buy, being Commies and all. On a related note, if the vagrant who messed the chairs on the waiting room is still alive in his testing facility, we are taking the cost of a new chair out of your fifty dollars. Unless you’re dead, in which you aren’t getting it anyway.”

Ultimately, if you can’t get enough Portal, play Portalizer. You won’t be disappointed. image

Until next time, this is Alchemyprime.